Tears to Roses

I promised Mrs. G. and Mrs. K that I would post this, so I will. It's a narrative of something that I struggled with, and God brought me through. And it's about something every teenage girl will inevitably struggle with at some point: a boy. I hope it bring you hope and encouragement. It made me realize that God, the author of the universe, is writing my story, and that the right man will come at the right time. What an awesome truth! I originally meant for this to be personal, but I think it will tell you a lot about me. So without further ado, here is a narration about a struggle I faced that I've decided to call Tears to Roses.

It’s odd how just when you think you have everything together, the rug gets pulled out from beneath your feet. In your mind, everything is under control, nothing can surprise you. You’re so confident you think you could walk through a furnace and not get burned. Instead, you get plunged into an ocean.
I thought I was doing fine, that there were no boys that could tempt me more than I could bear. Of course, a wayward smile at the mall or a close friend trying to get closer would make me blush, but I stood firm: I would not date, I would not even consider it. I never thought I’d second guess myself.
I don’t know when it started, because it was so gradual. It began with castaway thoughts in my head. I’d find my mind flitting to him when it should have been busy focused on other things. It thrilled me to be around him, even though it was uncomfortable. Before long, I was drawing hearts around the first letter of his name, something I’d never done with any boy, even during my flirtatious, scatter-brained preteen years. I couldn’t keep myself from looking at him, delighting in his very presence, before I would mentally reprimand myself for doing so. Having him talk to me was incredible, especially since during the majority of the years we’ve known each other, he hardly ever said a word to me.
One thing built upon another, escalating until I had to admit it to myself; I had a crush on him, and I was too far gone to deny it. I spent that night, and many other nights since then, sobbing into my pillows with loneliness and demanding to know why I felt this way. I’d never wanted so badly to be held! Seeing Michael with my best friend Katie only made it worse; the way he’d sweetly wrap his arms around her waist and hold her from behind. It made me realize I wanted someone who would do that with me, and I wanted it badly. It must have started sometime in February, but by the time May arrived, I couldn’t enjoy Spring Formal. I went alone, and I spent every minute of it wishing he was there.
But none of that was the worst part. Not the aching loneliness, not the untamed thoughts, not even the dreadful and yet amazing feeling I got being around him. No, the worst part was that I knew he didn’t think of me at all. And why should he? He could have some girl ten times prettier than me wrapped around his finger, so why would he waste his thoughts on me? Except I knew that wasn’t true. Sure, he could be taking his gorgeous girlfriend on a picturesque night out, but I didn’t really think that little of him to assume he would. The reason I’d fallen for him wasn’t because he was handsome, or because he’d suddenly begun to talk to me, it was because he takes care of his family. He makes sure his mother is looked after and he takes care of his siblings. He stays home the nights when he could be out doing more enjoyable things because he knows how much his family needs him. And, more importantly, he cares about God. He’s not your average teenage guy, and that’s the problem.
He still makes me cry at night, and of course, he doesn’t even know it. And he never will. It made me angry at first. Why had God allowed me to have these feelings if they couldn’t be satisfied? But then I realized, God can even use my raging teenage hormones to teach me things.
The truth?
Every girl wants someone to give her roses, to hold her when she’s sad, to sneak up and give her a hug from behind, to take her on long walks away from everyone else, to want her back. And a lot of the time, a girl can become impatient and accept these things from a boy who admires nothing more than her body. But if we’re willing to wait, and give these desires over to God, He can provide us with someone so perfect for us we realize we didn’t even know what to ask for. He’s so faithful, and so loving, and He’ll provide for our every need. Because sometimes, a woman does indeed need a man. That’s why God made things called hormones; so that a loving, godly man can someday wipe away the tears they’ve caused, and give her a rose instead.