After the Music Fades

It's been a really long time since I've been on - tragically long - and mostly it's been because of a lack of time. However, I managed to have no homework (except to finish reading the Scarlet Letter, which literally put me to sleep earlier this afternoon), and we had no school on Friday. So, I've found time. :)

This week has been one of the craziest in my school year. From debates in Bible class, to art assignments in English, to a quiz in Trig, Spanish III, and Physics all on the same day! In short, the school year is really kicking up (rearing its ugly head would be a more accurate analogy).

At the beginning of this week, I was rather disappointed. I'd finally finished Driver's Education and my Wednesdays were free, but I was told that there was no worship practice this week. Surprisingly, this turned out to be an enormous blessing. All three of those quizzes (well, the Spanish one was a test, but for the sake of the majority, we'll call them quizzes) were set for Thursday. I thought I was fine, that I understood all the material perfectly. And I did - in Trig and Spanish. But as I began to attempt my Physics homework at around 6:00, I realized I understood none of it. It was nothing like what we'd been doing in class or what we'd done for homework the previous night! Worst of all, the teacher had told us that she would be taking the quiz directly from the homework worksheet. This is where my wonderful, brilliant, loving, extremely talented, beautiful mother came in. (and yes, I really mean that) My mom used to be an electrical engineer, one of those people who bewilder you because they actually comprehend and enjoy subjects such as Physics. Well, I came to her with those ten questions about to cry at about 6:30, and we stayed up until nearly 11:30 until I understood every question except one (which was luckily not one of the six on the quiz). I aced the Physics quiz because of my incredible mother, and I mean I actually aced it!

But let me take you back to Wednesday night. My mom finished explaining everything at about 10:00, watching the presidential debate as we stumbled through it. If I had tried to go back and do the questions on my own right then, I probably would have been in such a frazzled state of mind that I wouldn't have gotten a thing out of it. And I knew it. So, I looked around our living room for something to help me straighten out my tangled thoughts, and my eyes lit upon our piano. Sitting on our piano was a binder. An ordinary binder in size, but stuffed so full of papers that it managed to look colossal. This binder is filled with my personal favorites in worship music, transposed to my perfect keys and arranged in my favorite medleys. I asked my mom if she would mind if I played for a little bit, and she graciously turned off the tv and went to her room to watch the end of the debate, while I sat down on our piano bench.

The binder (which is arranged in alphebetical order) was open to the very first song I have in it: After the Music Fades by Shaun Groves. Previously, I had liked the lyrics of the song (shaun groves is a master at writing lyrics), but what I really loved about it was the tune. That changed Wednesday night. Here are the lyrics, and maybe you'll understand why it was especially powerful that night:

(Verse I)
Lord, take me from this place
Into a world that has no time
No hurries, no worries
Gladly I'd leave them all behind
Down here
I'm letting go and drawing near

(Chorus)
I wanna sing. I wanna fly.
I wanna see from Your side of the sky
I wanna love. I wanna stay.
Wanna be close to you
Long after the music fades

(Verse II)
Lord, I come to bring You
Much more than just a melody
Please take me and break me
Right now, God, I don't want to leave
Unchanged
I never want to be the same

(Bridge)
'Cause Lord, You are Mighty, Awesome, Righteous, Gracious, Knowing, In me, Overflowing.
Father, Teacher, Master, Leader, Jealous, Love, You are

The first verse was what really helped me. You see, I didn't pull myself through that night. My mother didn't, either, although she was definitely an enormous help. God did. And when the Bible says we were made to worship, it really means it. Worship is always what sets me back on my feet when I'm down. And worship doesn't mean just singing, although that's a big part of it. (some day I'll post a blog strictly about worship. i keep meaning to.) Because after the music fades away, did it matter? Ask yourself that the next time you stand up and sing (or stand there with your arms crossed) on Sunday morning: did I really mean it? True worship is when you live your life according to God's will, making Him first in everything and casting down all idols. And when you experience true worship, it is really life changing. You'll never be the same, and you'll never want to.

- Becca
p.s. On a different note, I will be taking my driver's test on Thursday. Please pray for me so that I can pass it and take the driving load off of my overwhelmed mother.

Mountains and Valleys

about today...

It's late, and I'm tired to the point that I really should go to bed, but I'm just not ready to sleep yet. My mind is all worked up and I know that if I were to fall asleep now, it wouldn't be restful nor peaceful. Let me explain why.
Today was (by mild definition) not a very good day. Bible class (which is first period) went without a hitch, but my school has a big brother/big sister program, of which I am a big sister. Now, the girl I am a mentor to is very sweet and is by no means the problem, but during the orientation, another new girl constantly kept getting under my skin until I wished she were somewhere on an island in the Pacific Ocean. Not very nice, I know, and she's constantly in my prayers, but she was so argumentative and whiney to the principal, of all people. Well, that was just the tip of the iceberg. If I wasn't searching for some way to start this blog, I wouldn't even have mentioned it.
Next, we had English. Normally, I don't mind English because no matter how boring it can be, it's easy. This morning, however, we had a substitute teacher, and although she was a very nice lady, after taking an in-depth look at all the comparisons in "Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God" by Jonathan Edwards, I was reminded of the rude awakening I was in for when I started college English. But again, this really wasn't one of the worst parts of my day.
The period after English, I was in Choir instead of Drama. (I'm auditing Drama, so I was persuaded to do Choir on Tuesdays and Thursdays to be the necessary first soprano they were lacking. Honestly, am I the only one who can hit that G?) Well, I don't think anybody but myself really noticed it, but I just could not completely grasp the melody of our new song. I'm appreciative of Mrs. Pinto's breathing tips which make me louder, but I'm also having to relearn a lot of things about singing, and it's giving me little pains about hitting notes exactly. However, this was only before lunch, and I still managed to have enough of an appetite to shove down the school's rotini and meatballs, meaning I wasn't all that upset. Yet.
Computers (probably the easiest but most pointless class on my schedule) was fine. Almost fun and relaxing, in fact. In Trig, though, we were finishing up a test. (we actually had two quizzes and a test in my three hardest classes yesterday, but surprisingly, yesterday wasn't all that bad) I know I missed at least two of the questions, probably more due to my unbreakable habit of committing foreseeable and easily preventable errors in my problems. Besides that, I know I didn't fully understand the homework tonight.
Spanish III. The one class where I've managed to ace a quiz this year (excepting Bible, English, Choir, and Computers). We had a quiz over the subjunctive case, which I understood quite well and got 100% on. However, we have a journal entry due tomorrow, which I was unable to finish because I didn't bring my book home, thinking my folder would be enough, and then I neglected to bring my folder home. But at least I remembered my notebook...which turned out to be completely useless. *rolls eyes* We also have a vocab quiz tomorrow, but I think I'm ready for it. Then again, you never know.
Physics. We started a new section today, after a quiz that frustrated us all to pieces yesterday. The class itself would have been fine, if I hadn't choked on nothing but water (yes, we're allowed to have water during school) in the middle of it and coughed for two minutes straight! You know the phrase "it happens to everyone"? Yeah, well, it happens to me a lot. Plus, I didn't comprehend my Physics homework at all. I'll be alright once Mrs. Hillman does them all on the board tomorrow, but it's extremely frustrating for me right now.
After school, I had to meet with the youth pastor at the church (not CCF, the school's youth pastor) to help plan See You at the Pole, which is next Wednesday. That went altogether well, and I'm sure it'll all go fine, but if you could just pray about that for me, I'd appreciate it.
So the meeting went well, but it made me late to volleyball practice, where I just could not seem to do anything right. Come to think of it, volleyball practice seems like a very good culprit to pinpoint my sore back on. Oh, and we have a game tomorrow. Not to mention the hayride which, because I'm on Student Council, I'm somewhat helping to run once we get done with the volleyball game.
But none of this broke me. In fact, I probably would have been just fine if it hadn't been for the incident when I got home from school.
I was driving the camry, like I sometimes do on the way home from school. I had done just fine and was backing it into the garage, and I thought I was too close to the van on the right side, when really I was too close to the side of the garage on the left. as I was backing in, I broke the sideview mirror off.
Then I broke. I mean locked in my room, sobbing on my bed like I haven't for months, broke.
So after about 15 minutes of this and realizing I wasn't going to get over it by going catatonic, I did what I always do to relax and get my mind back into functioning order: I took a shower. And then, as things somehow always manage to when you're in the shower, everything arranged itself in the correct order in my head, and I came to this conclusion:
I am not a victim. I really don't have any right to feel sorry for myself, and if this is as bad as my bad days get, then I'm lucky! I am so blessed, and I forget that all the time. I ought to be grateful for the chance to go to WCS and be challenged, not vexed because I find the work difficult. I need to realize that it's a privelege for me to be on Student Council and have the authority and the organizational skills to put things together for the school. And no matter how stressful or how much it loads up my time, God will always find a way to pull me through it, along with giving me ideas on how to lead the events I have to plan and supervise. Volleyball has been many of the many joys I've discovered this year, even if I'm not as good as Misty May and that other girl, and I should be pleased with my progress for my first year. And as for the car, many people around the world have never had and will never get the opportunity to drive. How can I have the audacity to take that for granted? As for my back...well, sooner or later, God will provide me with a husband, and I'll appreciate the back-rubs he gives me all the more because of it. (at least, he'd better give me back-rubs)
So the purpose of listing the shortcomings of my day was not to vent, though that certainly wound up being a perk. It wasn't to complain and ask for sympathy, either. It was to remind you all that no matter how difficult life can seem, there's always a purpose behind it. The valleys might seem horrid and troublesome while we're in them, but the view at the top of the mountain is always worth the struggle.
- Becca

If volleyball doesn't kill me, Trig will!

So, after last night's load of homework, I got to thinking. I thought about my schedule, the teachers I have this year, what I can expect from each class, and how I plan to manage it.
And then I got depressed. I realized that with Mr. Parry teaching both Bible 11 and English 11, I can expect a lot of time-consuming but altogether dull assignments that are going to eat up my study halls. Then, I realized that having two classes with Mrs. Hillman is going to mean two hours of homework, just from her. Trig is freely admitted to be the hardest math class taught at WCS, and I am not a math person, not to mention Physics, which I've had to miss two days in a row because of volleyball physicals. (I had to get two shots and have blood drawn because they think I might be anemic.) And then, I realized I'm going to have to study harder than ever to keep my grade in Spanish III up.
And then...I got more depressed. Because I thought about next year.
I will have Bible 12 with Mrs. Hillman, which will mean lots of in-depth boring homework assignments that take hours in and of themselves. I will have Calculus with Mrs. Hillman, which will mean having to do extra credit to keep my grade point average up in math. I will have Chemistry with Mrs. Hillman, which will mean a ton of memorization of things I hope I will never have to use in the practical world. I will have Biology II with Mr. Gregory, which although that means I will have an incredible teacher, it also means memorizing all the bones in the human body as well as in-depth dissection. I will have Civics with Mr. Gregory, which will mean memorizing all of the presidents, their parties, the states they're from, and how long they were president for. And I will have Creative Writing with Miss Perkins, which will undoubtedly be my favorite class, but which will add many more assignments to my work load.
And THEN I got even more depressed. Because I thought of all the other things I'm involved in: volunteering every Saturday, Fair Maidens every 2nd and 4th Saturday, worship team, youth group, volleyball, student council...I'm probably leaving something out, too. Plus, my mom wants me to get a job.
AND THEN...I realized I was being stupid and selfish. God has promised in His word not to give us more than we can handle. If it's in His will for me to take all these classes, be a leader in my community, church, and school, and to be the member of the volleyball team who means we can actually play, He'll help me through it. And why should I worry about next year on the second day of school this year? I need to have my eyes on the path ahead of me, not on the bridge where God will hold my hand as I pass over the rapids. It's not going to be easy, but I've been reassured: with His help (and only with His help), I'll get through. And I'll love where He takes me because of it.

Some Pictures.

This was a typical scene during vacation. I loved getting behind the camera and getting those fun shots, but now I can't find the pen drive where I put the pictures! And I usually don't lose things, so it's driving me crazy!

This is from my birthday. You can see how friendly he is. :-)

I just found some pictures I thought I'd share before I forget! This is little Enoch, before he became an outside cat. He's a lot bigger now, but this is such a cute picture of him.

Sister-Time, First Days, Good Times, and Stressed Minds

A good deal of things have happened since I last posted. (Isn't that always how it is?) But I'm going to try to keep this short. No promises, though: I write novels. : )
This weekend held the tell-tale signs that the school year was about to start: Jamie was going back to college. My mom had to drive her there, since all her things would only fit in the van, and only my parents can legally drive it. I had been roped (okay, not roped. I just can't say no.) into dogsitting again this weekend, so it looked like Rosey was going to be left alone by herself for the whole day. My mom just wasn't comfortable leaving her all alone in our big, empty house, so she came with me and helped me dogsit. Oh, and what a blessing that was! They had someone who actually likes dogs (as of right now, she wants to be a dog trainer) to jump on! She also had to come to work (volunteering) with me Saturday morning. Mrs. Haynes lives very close so we decided to walk. But as we were on our way, maybe half a mile left to go, this guy leans his head out a car window and shouts: "I love you! I love you...so much!" Oh, we got a kick out of that! That's not something I'm going to forget for awhile! Rosey was actually very helpful at the shop, and we walked back to the house at around 2:30. We then went to see the Dark Knight (which was incredible, but I wouldn't recommend it for very young kids), and ordered a pizza. It was altogether a nice sister-bonding time weekend.
Sunday was...well, Sunday. : ) Rosey and I walked to the church (which is also very close to the Haynes's house), and enjoyed a very deep message about anger from Pastor Wayne. The worship team led us in some very powerful songs, but it was strange for me, not being on it: I'm back on this week, though. *sigh of relief* I have two days out of the week that keep me going: Sundays and Wednesdays, and both of them because of CCF.
I also had a very pleasant surprise on Sunday: Kelsey called me! I hardly ever talk on the phone (I mean I will, but you have to call me first if you want a good conversation.), so I was startled but extremely pleased. The more I talk to Kelsey, the more I absolutely adore her. She's such a God-honoring, purehearted girl, and she always challenges me to be a better person and a better Christian.
Meli, Lauren, and I met before Youth Group to discuss options for fundraisers and events, and we have some pretty good ideas. Generation is going to be such a blessing in the lives of the teenagers that attend it, let me tell you! Thanks for good fellowship, good ideas, and good ice cream at King Kone, girls!
At Generation, it was one of those unwinding nights. We didn't have a lesson: we made some progress on the comercial and played a few games. Youth Group is as hyper as I get (unless I'm given Mountain Dew, but we won't go there), so it's always nice to let loose just a little bit. I know I still some uptight most of the time, but it does make me feel a whole lot younger to be with you guys...even if I do almost have an aneurism playing spoons. Ugh, one of these days I will extract my revenge on Spencer!
And today, Monday was the beginning of my double life. School. Sometimes, it really does feel that way. I have one set of people and schedules at school, and then an entirely different set at home and church, and I love them both. But I'll tell you what, I took one look at my Trig, Spanish III, and Physics books and moaned: it's going to mean a whole lot of in depth homework that I don't always understand. It's the first day and I really had trouble in Trig! Okay, granted, I haven't used distance or midpoint formula since last year, so I can have a little leeway on getting back into the swing of things for that, but it was very VERY frustrating. And time consuming. But after Mrs. Hillman explains the obvious and preventable error (which I always seem to make and can't figure out what I've done wrong), it'll all click into place in my brain.
Well, I'd better get to bed so I can give my poor confused mind a rest.