Thought Life

I'm finally posting again! Between a combination of quizzes, tests, and simpathetic teachers, I actually have very little homework this weekend. I technically have none, but I've got a Spanish test and an English essay due on Tuesday, so I'll try to do something academic this weekend. (other than the SAT, which I have to take tomorrow. at 7:45 in the morning. warning to all you Fair Maidens: I will be grumpy.)
I actually just got off the phone with my representative for my Uganda trip, Joe (who is an incredible person and a complete blessing to me), and I discovered I have a very good subject to blog about. One of my "deep thoughts" as Mrs. Gorton called them last night, but what I think of as just one more revelation from my Savior. It's one we all deal with, some more than others, and it's one of Satan's most effective weapons against us: worrying.
When Joe asked me for prayer requests I told him the usual: ridiculous schedule, reluctant father and grandmother (ask me about my grandma sometime: that conversation will be interesting), funds, etc. And then I paused, because I knew there was something else that had been having a more direct affect on my life: I've been constantly exhausted. At first, I thought it was just because I was sick and my sleep interrupted, but since it's been going on for much longer than I've been ill, I knew that wasn't a viable scapegoat. My sleep definitely hadn't been interrupted, either: I'm lucky in that I fall asleep quickly and sleep through the night. No, I've been having a much different problem.
All of you who know me well know I'm a thinker. I get that from my dad: we might not say much sometimes, but thoughts are constantly churning in our heads. It doesn't necessarily mean I'm smart, it just means that my mind is always on something. While for the most part that can be a good thing, it has also had some negative consequences. When I'm done consciously focusing on my schoolwork and trying to figure out God's will for my life, the undertone of my mind turns back to those things that keep me constantly preoccupied, namely my future. Or as I put it to Joe, life in general. It's gotten so bad that although I've been sleeping, my subconscious has carried on with my worries so that no matter how much sleep I get, I wake up exhausted. It got to the point where I couldn't pry myself out of bed early enough to get to school on time, which never happens. I might not be much of a morning person, but unless there's a blizzard, I am consistently on time for school. And in the spirit of irony, if I keep being late, I'll land both Rosey and myself in detention, adding another worry to the list.
And so I conveyed this to Joe. It was quite a bit less eloquent (I usually am over the phone), but I must have gotten the basic gist of it through, because he understood what I was saying much better than I did. He explained to me what I was doing in a way that made sense: I've been meditating on the things I'm worried about. Meditation simply consists of constantly pouring over a subject, looking at it from every angle, until it consumes your mind. And then he gave me a wonderful suggestion: listening to the Bible on cd every night before I go to sleep. That way, my subconscious will be focusing on something positive and constructive instead of continuing to wear me down while I attempt to rest.
You see, the things we as Christians are supposed to meditate on are not our worries. Instead, as Phillipians 4:8 says, we are to think about "whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is admirable". If my thoughts were centered around these things rather than my worries, how much better would I be able to serve God?
And so here's my question to you: what do you think about? Do you constantly worry like me about the future and your daily life, or does your mind dwell upon things that will build it up and make you strong in the Lord? This is a challenge from me (one I'll definitely be participating in): the next time you catch yourself worrying, open your Bible. Think about the things of the Word, instead.
- Becca